Returning after 2 years

No edits or cuts - excuse the novice writing

I’ll start off with the elephant in the room; I haven’t logged in to Substack nor have I written in slightly over 2 years now. From writing blogs every week for 6 months and completing a challenge of writing 1500 words a day for 30 days to not writing a single paragraph for 2 years. I log in to Substack to check how many subscribers I have out of curiosity as I received a few subscribers over the past couple of weeks. To my surprise and what a unexpected surprise it was, i noticed that I had over 3,000 views in the last 30 days. I’m certain I’ve never had more than 100 in a month and all of a sudden I’m closing in on 4,000 for the month. There was even one day I had 1,000, how strange and what a nice way to come back.

A lot has happened over the past 2 years, I’m stuck on where or how to start. My ‘Moving On’ blog was a punch to the throat and quite upsetting to read. As I type I’m finding it challenging to form together the words to articulate my emotions. I’ve let down my past self, I wasn’t expecting to be in this situation. Although, there are plusses. I’m happily married and living in London, thank God.

Unfortunately, the positives aren’t enough. In terms of moving forward, there hasn’t been a lot of moving in the right direction. August 2022 onwards started off well, my wife and I moved in together in October 2022. We went on 3 holidays in 2023; Turkey, Dubai, and Saudi Arabia. 2023 was the year to enjoy and not stress on saving. We travelled, went to tons of weddings, and generally had a good year. Yet with everything that happened and the memories I created. I sit here disappointed by not creating a business, no additional income, eliminate debts or improve on myself. Instead of taking steps forward I took steps back and made no pathway to escape the hole I was digging unintentionally.

In 2022, my mental health was probably the best it ever was.

I was -

Journaling

Reading

Running

Writing

Playing football

Challenges (30 - 60 day challenges)

Constantly occupying myself for the better. I was happy. Only a few of my hobbies translated into the majority of 2023.

Football

Challenges

From October until present day, it’s all been a blur and a disaster. I’ve completed only one challenge, and thank God have played football consistently throughout this year until I was injured 5 weeks ago. I’d be in a worse situation if I hadn’t kept up with football. Aside from football I wasn’t doing anything else. Tried and failed businesses. Tried and failed running and gym. Tried and failed reading. Wasn’t doing any challenges either. I’m not sure if I’m clinically depressed but I’m sure depression has played a part.

How have I not improved in anything in 2 years?

I can’t do this to my wife. She has been extremely supportive since we have been married. I owe her an unpayable debt. I have taken a vow to myself to turn my life around and achieve a few goals by the end of 2024. I will go over that in my next post.

I don’t think it is beneficial to continue writing on this unless there is goodness that comes from it. I just wanted to paint a picture of what has happened and how I’m feeling. Trying to rush to find my former self will end up not working and may be counter intuitive.

If there is anyone wondering why I’m writing and sharing this information. I don’t really have a solid answer. We all have our struggles, every person has a difficulty that perhaps is an easy solve in someone else’s shoes. I guess someone might read this and may relate to themselves, I’m not sure. However, what I do know is. I want readers to learn and be constantly learning in life. There is no time length to anything, some things take time and we must to accept that. I need to accept that the past 2 years are over now, what matters is today and tomorrow. I pray that I can do better and people benefit from my posts moving forward. I don’t intend to stop writing. From this point forward I will only learn and improve, any steps backward will be supplemented with positivity to create a stronger foundation to keep moving. God willing, 2 years from now I will be happy with where I am.

We start again. Share my story, subscribe, and learn with me. Perpetual learner right? I will honour the name